I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
