that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
