I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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