If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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