your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
