It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
