i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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