I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
