So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
