just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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