I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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