People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
