I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
