That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
