you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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