Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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