I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
