He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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