You work out of a Hotel?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
