My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
