So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
