trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
