I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
