SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
