I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
