Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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