Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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