I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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