I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
