my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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