Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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