I'm lost and stupid without you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
