So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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