So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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