Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
