he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
