FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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