Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
