Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
