I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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