I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize