So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
