what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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