Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
