The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
