mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
