i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
