he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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