I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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