I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
