imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize