dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
