if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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