nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
