Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
