He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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