Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
