good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize