we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
