carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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