you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
