I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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