Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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