you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
