nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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