I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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