If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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