can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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