I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She bit a glass in half.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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