Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
