I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Im part way to drunk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
