I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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