I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
