Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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