is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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