spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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