the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
