i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
