Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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