oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
