I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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