Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
