Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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