I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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