I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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